This had some truth, but the concept of love did not turn out how I expected it to. Realistically, as a kid, I had no idea what love meant. To me, it meant a happy husband and wife. I never really thought about what love would be like as a teen. I never had the idea of hearth break in my head. I didn’t think that I would ever be the one to experience teenage heartbreak.
I remember the small heartaches as a kid. I remember seeing my crush kiss my sister in preschool. I remember having a crush on my friend Luke in the second grade, and getting jealous of the other girl that also had a crush on him. I remember always trying to one-up this girl on how well I knew Luke. I remember making wishes at 11:11 and on birthdays as a kid that I would marry so and so. Those things didn’t matter. They were thoughtless. Although I was a kid, I wish I had been warned.
Today, I have become someone that my 10 year old self would be afraid of. The amount of shit that goes on in my head is something that I would have run away from as a child. I would look at my wardrobe, consisting of mostly black, and ask why. Why did you let this happen to yourself Tara?
The answer is that I.. I don’t really know. I guess I wasn’t warned. I guess I let my guard down. I became somebody that I don’t even know. I adapted to the outside world in which I had never been exposed to or seen.
Was this adaptation worth it? Maybe. I feel like I am more aware. I feel like I am more careful when it comes to trust, and love, things that are often hard to find, and hard to earn. I am still learning, every single day, that heartbreak and heart ache can be mended, with exposure to new things. Love can be mended with love. Love does not have to be found in a partner. Perhaps love can be found in a passion, or a walk, a run, or a discovery. So go ahead, start that raw food diet you always wanted to do, make that cake you saw on pinterest and give it to your neighbor, or go hike that 7 mile hike you had your eye on months ago. Go purchase that pair of roller blades off of craiglist, go to JoAnne fabrics and learn how to make that swimsuit.
All in all, I have learned that love can often be looked for in the wrong places. Love is everywhere, you just need to find what caters to your needs the best. Whatever gives you little moments of happiness, stick with it. Find people who find love in the same interests that you do. Do this, and you will be fixed. It may feel a little uncomfortable at first, but baby dive in, and you will experience a bliss that that boy never gave you.
-tara
